Awaiting further instructions
This morning, I opened a safari tab to my bookmarked Yoga with Adrienne video (is that not the most white girl sentence?); as it was loading, I got an alert on my Apple Watch. Jen Hatmaker was going live with Lisa Sharon Harper to discuss “White Women’s Toxic Tears”. I chose the Jen & Sharon video because I’m woke y’all. I took notes. I learned. I listened. In case you missed it, read about the incident in NYC last week for an example of White Women’s tears.
I am an able bodied, heterosexual, 40 year old white woman. I was born in Massachusetts (a Northern State) and I’ve lived in Texas (a Southern State) for 20 years. I am married to a white man. We have 4 white children. Love rules our family, and acceptance is our North Star. We are modern and progressive. I do yoga, have a 25 year old copy of Howard Zinn’s People’s History of the Unites States, and I will tune into talks about white women’s tears. I am polite, jovial, and candid. I am That White Woman.
The White Woman who doesn’t feel articulate enough, so I’m going to say mostly nothing at all. I will repost things but I never write my thoughts down. I value politeness over my values. I’ve bitten right through my tongue. I feel shame so I avoid it. I am privileged, so I have nothing to add to the conversation.
I feel out of my depth writing about racism. I am no authority on the subject. I have lived in my privilege for 40 years. I’ve come to learn that I’ve been operating with learned helplessness. I’ve been, like every polite young lady, awaiting further instructions. Someone who knows what to do will be by soon, until then, I’ll wait politely here. I won’t add to the problem. But, I’m certainly not doing anything to help dismantle racism. I’ll being righteously indignant from a safe distance. I’ll change my Facebook photo in solidarity. I’ll be an ally.
The word ally connotes partnership, ‘a white ally in the fight against racism’, if you will. As if, this fight against racism, is for People of Color and we, white people, are here for support. Wrong. I might be considered late to this realization but this is our fight. White people this is ours to take on. It’s time to be more than allies. For example, women are not responsible (or capable) to end violence against women. Same goes for POC and racism.
Instructions aren’t coming y’all. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for and it’s time to get to work. A couple things going forward: do not look for accolades. This is not about us. Do not look to be recognized with a pat on the head, for being a good white woman. Secondly, do not look to the POC in your life for directions. Google it. Read books. Listen to podcasts. Etc. The information is out there, we need to access it.
I feared being imperfectly white, that I was gonna fuck it up. This fear kept me from any real action. Yesterday I went to a protest in my city, at the prompting of my oldest kid. I was reminded that I need to show up, engage, learn, and act. Today, I am doing something I can do. Show up vulnerably in my writing, hoping that someone else can connect to it.
We can do hard things.
