playing the long game

‘You let them wear what they want?’ The teacher inquisitively asked me at pick up. ‘Yes. I do. I want them to make the choice, so they feel confident in their decision. Therefore they feel confident overall.’ Another teacher chimed in, ‘see, I don’t do that. I should, but I don’t’. 

I let my school age children pick out their own outfits for school picture day. This apparently isn’t common. At this point in my parenting career, I have zero reservations about letting my kids pick their look, style, haircuts, shoes, clothes, or timing of haircuts. Maybe when my oldest child was younger, we would discuss what I’d like her to wear for a school photo, but I’ve learned a lot over the years. Also, my ‘give a fuck’ is broken. 

I’m playing the long game with my kids. I want them to be confident, caring, and capable humans of the world. I can get them there by modeling that behavior with my life and I can encourage these traits from within them. Letting them dress themselves is one achievable way for them to feel autonomy and authority over their lives. 

We talk about the weather when getting dressed. My kids ask ‘so, long sleeves? Pants? Light jacket or my big jacket?’. We have an understanding that PE shoes must be worn on PE days. We absolutely have had meltdowns with our youngest child about jackets (I do insist on a winter jacket when its 33 degrees) and she has been late for school twice because of it. I let them make outfit mistakes and they bear the natural consequences of those choices. They learn the most from those moments. They have felt cold feet on a day they should have worn socks and I promise you, she won’t forget the socks next time. 

Do you fear letting your kids dress themselves because ‘what will people think?’. Listen up, If someone is judging your worth as a mama based off your child’s outfit, you don’t need that person, or their shitty opinions, in your life. 

If you always pick your child’s clothes out, I challenge you to let your kid have control over their outfit one day a week. See what happens. Or conversely, if you’re a judgy Judy about kids and their mismatched outfits, take a moment and examine where that judgment is coming from within you.