Girl with Autism
Boss baby. Queen. Our family is driven from the caboose. Stubborn. Obstinate. Determined. Hard headed. Particular. Whip smart.
For years I’ve had euphemisms for Mabel. She was the “hardest” baby / toddler/ child I’ve raised. Whatever that means, I’m not sure... but I can tell you what it felt like. I resigned to her whims. I got the pink cup from the drawer because I knew that was the one she wanted. I let her watch too much iPad. I served many chicken nuggets. Water. No ice.For a few years, Daniel could do no right. Everything he did was wrong in her eyes. I was her only comfort in the world. And did she have tantrums. We (the family) became a diligent team to move her through these “moments of distress”, each of us bringing a skill to the situation. Then there’s the outfits. Mabel wore outlandish outfits with accessories. So many accessories y’all. I chalked it up to being seasoned parents who were choosing their battles. I could tell my mother thought I was too lenient with Mabel. I could not articulate it at the time but I can now. I have been Mabel’s advocate for her special needs. In January of this year we received official word from the school district that Mabel was found to be on the Autism spectrum.
Nope. I didn’t know. I had no idea. The statement “evaluate her for ASD” knocked around my head like the silver ball on a pinball game. The ball would kick up a memory which would lead to a realization, ding ding ding, like the game. We did paperwork. We had meetings. But Daniel and I knew the outcome. All the things that place Mabel on the spectrum were all things we could see, for sure! We didn’t know the big picture. We could identify every tree but we didn’t know we were in a forest.
I don’t know how to wear this new layer yet. I’m a super friggin newbie to being a special needs parent. How does this work? Did I say the wrong thing already. Shit. I don’t know what she needs in her IEP. HALP. There’s not much parenting preparation in this world period. (There’s that one car seat check from the hospital.... is that it?) There sure the heck ain’t prep for things outside the “typical box” (again, whatever that means).
I want to mention how special it is that Mabel even got a diagnosis. Especially at her age, she is 6, by the way. Girls are under diagnosed? Under represented? Under tested? Or just genuinely affected less? Whatever the answer to that is, we have entered a sacred circle of girls with autism. I may not know what I am doing yet but I promise you, we are capable of this. Typical is not a value we hold in our family. We’re gonna rock this.
Mabel if you read this someday, I’m sorry for all the hair brushing. I miss your plastic high heels. Your ability to give no f*cks is inspiring. I hope that I have given you the tools to adapt to the world; when the world can’t adapt to you.
